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by Emily Brier
Proverbs 29:25 "The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD shall be safe." Do you ever struggle with saying no to people or refuse to go for the dreams on your heart because of what "they" might say, or let people's opinions drive your life? If so, you might struggle with people pleasing. What is people pleasing? People pleasing is the addiction to the approval of others to the point of betraying your own needs in the process. Some symptoms of people pleasing/approval addiction are: over apologizing, over explaining, and a lack of confidence in decision making and so much more. The truth is your worth is not based on what people think of you but instead it's set in place by the One who made you. God didn't create any of us to live in fear and timidity and in this article we will breaking down 5 ways to break free from people pleasing in order to be who God made us to be. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." The truth is that the fear of people doesn't come from God- in fact, He created us for a new way of living which does not involve a spirit of intimidation (or fear.) It is healthy and even important to care about others and have a teachable spirit but we can do that without being ruled by people and their opinions. Keep reading to find out how! Here are 5 ways to worry less about what people think and how to be true to who you are: 1) First things first, it's vital to know what God says ABOUT you and what He's said TO you about His plans for your life. Resting our identities in our Creator and how He defines us is the first place to start on the Find Your Crown journey as well as not being afraid to stick to what He's told us about his plans for our lives. One example of this is when well meaning people try to steer you on a path in life that they think is right but it isn't what God has called you to. Friend, you've got to stick to what God has told you. It's more important to be obedient to God than it is to get everyone to like and approve of you and what you do. (which, by the way, is impossible but more on that below) Psalm 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with my eye." 2) Secondly, you need to know who you are in Christ and know yourself well. When we don't know who we are, it's harder to be ourselves and that in turn can lead to being addicted to the approval of others. Get to know yourself and what Christ says about you. What things are important to you? What are key aspects of your personality? What needs do you have? 3) Know that you're not going to please everyone and that's okay. If you expect that everyone is going to like you and your choices, you are going to disappoint yourself. The only way to really do that is to try to fit in a mold of what people want you to be and God didn't create you to live like that. We can love others and still understand that we aren't meant to be everything to everyone all of the time. It is okay if not everyone understands you. It is okay if not everyone likes you. The real question is, do you like you? Have you accepted the person God created you to be? How do you treat others? 4) Filter opinions and advice and don't take everything to heart. Here are some good things to ask: Is this person trustworthy? Is what they're saying lining up with the Word of God and what God has told me? If not, I can respectfully brush it off and continue on my way. One of the many joys of being rooted in Christ is having freedom in Him to know who we are and not take the wrong things to heart. 5) Establish healthy boundaries when it comes to the opinions of others. Determine ahead of time that you will not be ruled by what people think. I want to emphasize here that we can still love and honor others without being ruled by them or their opinions. Healthy boundaries when it comes to people pleasing looks like: -being assertive about your needs and wishes ( being able to speak up for yourself) - saying no - standing behind your choices/ decisions that God has put on your heart to do - refusing to overthink every interaction and instead rest in God - asking for help and more. These are just some of the ways we can break free from people pleasing ! Friend, I am so excited for you to keep discovering who you are in Christ and how much He loves you! If you struggle in the area of people pleasing, let Him guide you as you navigate a healthy balance between caring for others and being the person He created you to be freely. What tips in this article resonated with you the most? What are some tools you will be implementing in your life starting today?
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 What is insecurity? Insecurity is the inability to be your true self because of toxic thoughts and beliefs, trauma, and more. Insecurity isn't limited to one area of our lives, it can actually be about anything from the smallest things to the biggest. We can be insecure about our looks, our relationships, our performance to even our social media platforms etc. Insecurity can become a stronghold in our minds when we keep feeding it with the wrong messages. The good news is that Jesus came to abolish ALL of the strongholds in our lives. In this article we will be talking about why and how insecurity doesn't have to rule our lives any longer.
1) We have healing in Christ. Insecurity affects our lives in major ways and many of us don't even realize that this is something God wants to heal us from. God cares about us and He cares about our mindsets. He wants to heal you of insecurity because He didn't create you for it. He created you for greater things which we'll be talk about below. How can we find healing for insecurity and for self hatred? Keep reading. 2) We have access to the Word of God which speaks the truth of who we are and what God says about us. Romans 12:2 says this: "Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God." In order to heal from insecurity, we need to renew our minds. This means we need to retrain our unhealthy thought patterns toward ourselves and learn to think the way God wants us to think. Insecurity starts with the messages we've received about ourselves either from ourselves, others, or society. What messages have you told yourself about yourself? What messages have you heard from society that affect that way you view your beauty and your worth? What messages have you heard from the people in your life about yourself? It's time to examine all these different messages and compare them with the Word of God! Do they line up with what God would say about you? You can only filter the messages if you know the Word. Start with five minutes a day and let God lead you to what He wants you to read/study/focus on and make it the top priority of your day! It will change the way you think, but you have to put the effort in to your healing! You, my friend, are worth seeing yourself in a healthy light instead of being dragged down by the weight of insecurity. 3) We are children of God- We can know who our Father is and what He has given us. This might sound like a bold statement, and that's because it is- but because of who our Heavenly Father is and what He has freely given us- we don't have to live insecure. We don't have to live life like that because God offers us His peace and joy. Insecurity does not line up with what God has given us- it robs, steals, and kills our joy, our hope , our peace and the quality of our lives and relationships. 1 Corinthians 2:12 says, "Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God." 4 ) God has made us with a purpose and for a purpose. We are uniquely made. Hear me out- God does not make mistakes! A lot of people who are insecure wonder why God made them and why He made them the way they are. This is a pretty common thought process and I know when I used to struggle with it, I thought the same way too. One day I was in the Word and I came across a verse that really speaks to this thought process so well. Romans 9:20 says this: "But who are you, a mere man, to talk back to God? Will what is formed say to the one who formed it, "Why did you make me like this?" This is a similar theme we see in the book of Job- Job's friends often question God and His motives and God addresses it and reminds them of His authority and wisdom and kind of puts them in their place so to speak. We have to be careful with insecurity because it can actually be pride in disguise. Insecurity basically says that you think God should've made you differently- so you're basically telling God He did His job wrong... Let that sink in. God didn't accidentally make you. He didn't make you less or above anybody else so it's time to quit that way of thinking! He made you with your personality and looks in mind and He calls you fearfully and wonderfully made. You are one of His grand masterpieces! 1 John 3:1a "See what great love the Father has given us that we should be called God's children-and we are!" A lot of us think we don't have a choice about insecurity. Maybe we've struggled with it for such a long time that we don't see a way out. Friends , I promise you that if God did it for me, He'll do it for you too! Let me share a little bit of my story: From a young age, I struggled with self hatred and insecurity. It was scary for me at the time because I thought I was stuck hating myself. I thought that self-harm was my only option to make it through life. I struggled with these things for years and so I understand the idea of thinking you're stuck with it. The good news is- no one has to be stuck in it! God showed me when I was thirteen years old that healing was available and I didn't have to be doomed to a life of insecurity. I started seeking Him for healing and for wisdom to overcome the things I was going through. I don' t share this story to imply that my journey was easy because it wasn't but it definitely was worth it. I starting disciplining myself to put God and His Word first, I started talking about it with people I could trust, (getting the help I needed), I read books that would help me work on my mindsets, I journaled, I prayed. God set me free from the stronghold of insecurity. It doesn't mean I never struggle with it at times but it means it no longer has a hold of me! I have learned to be careful of the voices I listen to and the messages I consume. I have learned to be careful of the people I surround myself with. I had to learn to recognize when the enemy was speaking versus the way God speaks to me. There are things I have to do on purpose to guard my heart and mind from letting that junk back in. What do you need to do for you? What thought processes and mindsets do you need to reframe? What deep soul work do you need to do? No more making excuses for letting insecurity rule your life! No more letting the enemy get away with lying to you about your true worth and identity. It is time to let God set you free. Galatians 5:1 "For freedom, Christ set us free. Stand firm then and don't submit again to a yoke of slavery." Now that we talked about why insecurity doesn't have to rule our lives, let's talk about what we can do to not let it . 1)Evaluate what you say about and towards yourself. Words have power behind them- how we talk and what we say frames our perspectives and feelings . If you're seeking to have a better relationship with yourself- stop verbally attacking yourself and learn to speak about yourself in a way that is healing and productive. 2) Be careful about what you consume. Earlier we talked about how insecurity comes from messages- so be on guard towards media and society and know who you are and what you will and will not listen to. If you have any questions at all about how to be free from insecurity, please reach out to me on Instagram @findyourcrown or email me at [email protected] . 5 Ways We Can Stay Hopeful in the Midst of Change Romans 15:13 "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 2020 has been quite the year to say the least. I know many of us have experienced massive change as well as unexpected circumstances and through it all, we’ve had to figure out how to cope in new ways. We can have hope even when we may be experiencing a lot of change because of who God is and what we have access to in Him. One important key to keep in mind when navigating change is that even though things in our lives may be changing, God doesn’t change. “the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the exceeding greatness of His power toward us who believe, according to the working of His mighty power” Ephesians 1:18-19 NKJV We have hope available in Him. We have peace available in Him. We have wisdom in Him as we navigate all the changes occurring in our lives. It doesn’t mean things will be easy, but it means we have HOPE . We can have assurance of Him being at work in our lives even when the going gets tough, our vision gets blurry, and we feel overwhelmed. The good news is there are ways we can cope when change happens in our lives and in this article I will be sharing 5 ways to stay hopeful in the midst of change instead of letting change intimidate us. 1) Acknowledge the Change and Process It with Care Recognize the change ( or changes) occurring and be aware of how you're processing it all. What habits are you putting into place? What do you go to to cope? Be mindful to practice good mental, spiritual, and emotional wellness practices that will help you stay calm during all of this. This looks like going for walks, journaling, spending time outside, exercising, being in the Word of God and fellowshipping with other believers, etc. Whatever helps you on a normal basis, make sure to be proactive during this time to take additional care. Change can really take a toll on us but it doesn't have to if we stay ahead of the game. When you're physically sick, chances are you take extra precautions- similar to taking care of your physical health when sick, be proactive about taking care of your mind and emotions when you are experiencing a lot of change. Daily routines are a great way to feel at balance even through change. 2) Keep a thankful list Change can feel overwhelming but gratitude allows us to have hope and see how God is working through all of this even when we can't necessarily see the other side of things just yet. This might sound like a contradiction but by slowing down to thank God for what we think is little each day we are telling our brains to remember that God is at work even while we're waiting for the big things to come together. The enemy wants to convince you that God isn't looking out for you and that you're all alone in what you're going through. Be assured of what God says in His word and that He is who He says He is. He is with you and He's doing things behind the scenes as well. 3) Take one day and one moment at a time. Even though change can seem overwhelming, it doesn't have to be if we don't let it. By slowing down and living in the present, we'll be focusing more on what we can actually handle versus getting overwhelmed by a whole year or five years or a lifetime ahead of ourselves. Jesus said it Himself- do not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will worry about itself. (paraphrase) He doesn't give us all the information now because we wouldn't be able to handle it. Ask God to show you what you can do today that will help you prepare for the future without being consumed by worry over it! What are seeds you can be sowing during this season you are in? Don't discount what seems little but instead be faithful to what God has entrusted you both big and small. God does have your back and He is taking care of you. Take one moment at a time. 4) Share with someone you trust what you're experiencing. One of the biggest ways the enemy will try to come after us is to get us alone because when we're alone we're more susceptible to his lies. Find someone you can trust who can encourage you and speak the truth in love . You want someone who can help you be encouraged in the Lord and call you out on the things in your life that are actually hurting you. Don't go through this alone. True friends will help speak life and hope into your situation. 5) Hold His Promises Close to Your Heart Trials can either cause us to press in and grow closer to God or they can be the reason we choose to walk away. Holding onto hope takes endurance and remembering who God is and what He has promised you. Endurance can only happen when you truly believe God is who He says He is and you consistently speak and meditate on His promises. Spend more time thinking on His promises and His character than you do wallowing in worry! Endurance can only happen when we refuse to be intimidated by the future and refuse to stay stuck in the past. We must practice trusting Jesus moment by moment rather than try to figure out our whole lives if we want to endure what we are going through. When we hold His promises close to us, we are keeping His Word as our main focal point rather than viewing life through our circumstances. How to have hope in the midst of change? We can have hope even without all the answers we crave by leaning on God and His Word, holding His promises close to our hearts, practicing self care , and doing life with other believers. If this article encouraged you, please leave a comment or share this with someone ! It's a similar story right? You know, that one where you've told yourself that business idea isn't for you, or that dream that has been planted in your heart since you were a small child can't possibly come true because you're not those people who you've seen accomplish those things before. Or maybe your struggle is with the reflection you see in the mirror because for so long you've heard things in your head telling you that you will never measure up . If these things sound familiar, it sounds like you struggle with the vicious lie that is comparison. A simple definition of comparison according to dictionary.com is : to examine (two or more objects, ideas, people, etc.) in order to note similarities and differences. This by itself doesn't sound so bad because comparison in general isn't always bad. However, comparison becomes toxic the moment it becomes about defining and determining the worth of someone else or yourself. This happens in many different ways and areas of our lives: - Scrolling through Social Media - Triggering conversations - In the Workplace or even Church - and more! As soon as we feel the need to validate our worth by seeing what everyone else is doing and how they are doing it and what they look like - we've wandered into comparison. We often make so many excuses for keeping comparison in our lives and here's a few of them: - comparison is NORMAL in society - everyone does it - it's a habit The truth is God has more for us than to stay at a place that keeps us from His callings on our lives and from experiencing the fullness of joy that can be found in Him. ( "and to know Christ's love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:19 ) So, what can we do about comparison? 1) We have to acknowledge where we are struggling with it and dig deep to find out where it started and why. 2) Acknowledge and embrace God's love as well as His workmanship. This means that God doesn't make mistakes. Ephesians 2:10 says, " For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do." God has something specific for each person and honestly comparison becomes a waste of time once we realize that life isn't a competition against other people. God is big enough to love each person He created with more than enough love left over. He loves you. He- loves- YOU! He didn't mess up when He made you the way He made you. 3) Choose Inspiration over Insecurity We can choose to be inspired instead of choosing a life of insecurity. What does this mean and what does this look like practically? It looks like knowing God's love and promises and holding on to them and believing them for you personally. As long as you doubt of God's love for you and don't recognize what He has for you personally: you will struggle with comparison because you will find yourself feeling despair seeing what He is doing for everyone else. When you see Him do those things, get inspired! Celebrate His goodness and realize He has good things for you too. When you see other people launch their businesses, or join the worship team, or get promoted in the work place- whatever it is for you- get inspired for the things you know in your heart God is preparing for you to do! You can do what He has called you to do and He has good plans in store for you as well. Psalm 84:11 " For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold From those who walk uprightly." Today is the day to release the need to be anything but the person God made you to be. There is only one you. There is only one me. So today , say goodbye to looking in the mirror and wishing there was a different reflection. Today, stop holding back on your dreams because you're too busy seeing what everyone else is doing. Today, stop trying to be a mom like the one you see on social media and rest in who God made you to be. You're doing so much better than you think you are. Today, stop worrying about what your grades your friends are getting and celebrate the personal progress you are making! You don't have to be like that Worship leader you see on TV, God needs you to show up as the person He made YOU to be. The truth is comparison has the ability to make us more selfish because as soon as we compare we start competing in competitions that were never supposed to be there. When we release comparisons and receive God's love we can truly show up and be blessings in our families, work places, churches etc. That's when we can celebrate others with pure motives instead of competing . Let me ask you, what is one thing you can do TODAY that will help you release comparison in order to be authentically you? Imposter syndrome is a term I’ve been seeing everywhere on social media for the last year and to be honest, I never really paid much attention to it. Little did I know that this was actually something that can impact your life significantly. Imposter Syndrome according to Dictionary.com is “ anxiety or self doubt that results from persistently undervaluing one’s competence and active role in achieving success, while falsely attributing one’s accomplishments to luck or other external forces.” These are some ways that Imposter Syndrome shows up in our lives:
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